I believe that women have a subconscious connection to the persecution of all women by the patriarchy and that it manifests itself within us with the presence of rage. Sacred rage. Rage that we cannot account for other than to blame our hormones and curse out our periods, our PMT, our most beautiful cycles, because the rage is uncomfortable and it has wisdom within in that sometimes we aren’t ready to hear, it has truth in it that we sometimes aren’t ready to witness, and it has expression in it that we are unaware of, or unable to communicate. It holds the anger and the grief of every woman persecuted, every woman oppressed, every woman made quiet, made small, made less than. It is ancestral, it runs deep. It is a divine manifestation of the Goddess within us that was once known to the world and is now barely acknowledged to have ever existed. Deep within the layers of this rage, underneath it all, buried by it, is the truth of our inner Goddess and the truth of our sublime connection to the divine, our inner knowing, our intuition, our magick. Women are the portal to life; we are sacred life givers and chalices for all humankind. We are uniquely connected to the Moon and her cycles of illumination. We are soft and gentle, fierce and strong, patient and loyal.
We are so strongly connected to nature, to the trees, to the plants, to the earth, that we have innate and inherent knowledge about herbal medicine, crystal energy, earthly magick, and how to heal our bodies, birth our children, tend to and care for those around us.
I believe we as women need to be able to access this sacred rage. We need to be able to hear it, to feel it, to be in it and with it at times when the wisdom and inner knowing wants to come roaring to the surface and the only way it can be channelled is through us. This thread that runs through the core of Gaia, through the earth, the crystalline layer, the soil, the dirt, to every woman that existed when women were revered, to every woman that existed when women became persecuted, to every woman that was executed, abused, held down, raped, violated, or silenced, through to every woman that was told she can’t, she couldn’t, she shouldn’t, it runs through every single one of our wombs and allows us to feel that pain, that anger, that sacred fucking rage. It is a rage that you are entitled to as a woman, and you have every right to feel safe enough to express it.
I believe that the divine masculine, is not here to continue this persecution. The divine masculine holds a safe container for the divine feminine to be able to unleash this rage and be held and heard and felt. The divine masculine is able to hold space for the knowledge and truth that comes through the rage.
This is not a space for more wounding, more triggering, more ego bashing. It is a space for deep ancestral healing and the release of ancient pain so that we can move forward, but also so that we can go deeper, so that we can come full circle and reconnect to that time when women were divinely connected, and held sacred, sacred to themselves, and sacred to each other.
I never began to heal though my sacred rage until I was in the relationship I am now. I lived in deep rooted fear of every masculine connection I had in my life, from my grandfathers, to my father (who I talk about frequently) to my ex-husband. I wasn’t scared of them, none of them were ever violent or threatening to me. But none of them ever felt safe to me to be able to be in my sacred rage. I definitely felt small, insignificant, not worthy of being heard. My rage was insignificant. Perhaps even something to be ridiculed. It was never valid.
Right now, I find myself in a relationship with my Twin Flame, which has its own challenges, but with it brings a deep sense of safety as well that I can be in that space. That I can feel my sacred rage, I can express it, I can process it and find my way through it without judgement or ridicule. It is valid, it is heard, it is allowed, it is forgiven.
Is it messy and difficult? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Is it bigger than me sometimes, than both of us, and scary? Yes. Without question.
Has it always just felt safe and heard? No. It took time. It took an awful lot of patience, compromise, listening, presence, accountability, tears, tiredness, and soul searching. It took some hard and painful lessons, some firm and unquestionable boundaries, and trust. Lots and lots of trust. And, it’s a constant moving target that like everything on this path, is never ‘fixed’, never ‘finished’.
It’s so heavily conditioned within us that as women we shouldn’t feel rage. It’s become the butt of jokes, the curse of being a woman, it’s to blame for our downfalls, our missteps, our ‘bad attitudes’, it’s not ‘attractive’, it’s not ‘feminine’, it’s not acceptable in modern society (patriarchal society) and yet, don’t we, as women, have every right to be angry?
Don’t we have every right to feel that rage?
Do these words make you feel that trickle of red-hot burning lava begin deep within you? Does it light a fire that feels familiar? You know this space. As a woman, you already know this pain. You already feel it through every cell in your body and you’ve probably been told far too many times to keep a lid on it.
I invite you to feel it. To safely hold it. To look at it and love it. To observe it and witness its beauty. It is beautiful. It is ancient. It is part of who you are, and it helps you to anchor your connection to Mother Earth from a place of fierce truth and authenticity. To express it somehow, through words, through tears, through screaming if that’s how it rises.
If you don’t feel safe to feel it, I invite you to look at that without judgement. To search for the ‘whys’ within your ‘I can’t’s
If you made it this far, I know something within these words resonated with you. I see you. I love you. You are worthy.
So much love to you all.
Are you feeling to call to go inwards? It might be the change in the weather, it certainly feels very autumnal right now, doesn’t it? It may also be the upcoming New Moon in Virgo that is beckoning us all inside and perhaps making us all skuttle around wrapping things up in some sort of ceremonious preparation for…something…
This New Moon feels very transitional to me. The cusp between Summer and Autumn, the turn of the seasons, and the closing of one door ready to open another.
Mabon is upon us at the end of September and that means harvest, celebration, and abundance, but it also means the drawing to a close of the fertile Summer and her extroverted nature. We’re about to go in. The nights are getting darker, the air is cooler, the trees are preparing themselves to slow right down before they drop everything and return their attention to their roots, and that’s exactly what it feels we should be doing.
Organised Virgo likes to have her ducks in a row, she likes to be ready and prepared. You probably feel like you are against some clock right now, trying to get ready for whatever it is that’s coming. Perhaps you’re tying up lose ends, or packing away your Summer wardrobe (I know…it doesn’t seem right!) but something inside of you is getting all nesty and ‘ready’.
Feel into that energy of getting prepared for what is to come and see what it is that’s scratching at your Soul to come forward.
Perhaps it’s that you overstretched yourself this summer and your Soul is looking forward to the hibernation of the colder months? If this is the case, rest. Take a beat. Stop and catch your breath. You have nothing to rush around for, there is time. You Soul is calling you to be still for a minute and tend to yourself and if you don’t do it now, and set the intention under this New Moon to take care of your gentle self, you might find the Autumn is wild and windy and difficult to navigate.
Perhaps you feel that you missed out on too much this Summer, didn’t say ‘yes’ enough, didn’t take advantage of the time or opportunity, and now you’re trying to cram it all in before some imaginary end point. If this feels true, it’s ok. Everything you did was perfect for you and perhaps your Soul wants you to be a little more adventurous in future, and that’s ok, you can take the lesson with gratitude and move forward knowing that you will say ‘yes’ to more opportunities. There is time. Set an intention under Tuesday’s New Moon to step out of your comfort zone a little more, make the most of opportunities as they present, and be a little braver.
Whatever it is, take a deep breath and try not to panic, I know transitions can feel like endings, but they are really just beginnings, and we will go around on this wheel again. Soften into the sensation of this chapter ending and follow the call to move inwards with ease and grace. This is the first New Moon of the new season so remember, there is time.
This Moon is an opportunity to make your plans for Autumn. By this I mean the way in which you intend to treat and honour yourself in the coming months. How will you show up for yourself? How will you allow room for growth, for healing, and for integration? The Virgo Season asks you to actually make a tangible plan, carve out time in your day and make it a routine.
Love yourself enough to move into this new energy and season taking the lessons from the past few months without any of the baggage. Use these next few days to let go of the feelings and uncomfortable sensations that have you feeling panicked and use the Waning energy of the Moon until Tuesday to surrender to the flow.
I avoided ‘shadow work’ for so long it's almost comical to say that I have been at all ‘spiritual’ for as long as I have because for at least 80% of my time in this community, I absolutely avoided the work, choosing instead to skip over the top in the ‘love and light’ section of spirituality and doing something I now know to be ‘spiritual bypassing’. It’s amusing to me now that I considered myself pretty well rounded and healed…I mean, I wore and carried crystals every day, I did Reiki on myself and others, I meditated…what more was there, huh?
I’d heard of ‘shadow work’, I’d heard about ‘doing the work’, I’d nodded along with others as the subject was discussed and decided that that shiz was kept aside for people with real trauma. I’d never been through anything really traumatic as far as I was concerned (ahem…a story for another day, so no need for any ‘shadow work’ was there?
In truth, I was actively avoiding it; partaking in the part of my human that does everything in its power to avoid pain and discomfort. My ego knew something I didn’t about this so called ‘work’ and it was more than happy to avoid it altogether. You see, the ego likes to protect us, and it does such a brilliant job of protecting us that we have ourselves in a society that tries to actively avoid anything that resembles discomfort altogether…hello toxic positivity and ‘the comfort zone’!
We like comfort. We enjoy comfort. It keeps us safe, the status quo remains, no one has to feel anything and no one has to confront anything…its nice here, I get it. The trouble is that everything else is outside of the comfort zone…everything else.
I’ll give you an example…
#1 – I’m a spiritual person trying to manifest abundance but getting nowhere. I know all about the Law of Attraction and I understand everything there is to know about manifestation and still nothing happens…Where is my wealth?
I’ll tell you where your wealth is…On the other side of the comfort zone. Nothing changes if nothing changes. If you’re trying to manifest abundance from the space you currently sit in which is comfortable no doubt, but it’s one of lack, or at least less than, you will never manifest abundance. You need to figure out why you are in that space in the first space, then do the work.
#2 – I feel blocked and stuck. I want to shift my vibration into that of joy and happiness but I have it for a little while and then I feel rubbish again.
Guess what…Nothing changes if nothing changes. Be honest here, are you trying to shift your vibration without actually shifting your vibration? By that I mean, are you trying to level up by doing the same things you’ve always done in the same way you’ve always done them? First of all, you can’t bypass emotions, they just are. Stop trying to avoid the so called negative ones because they feel uncomfortable and sit with them, they are here to teach you so much. Second of all, shifting into a space of joy and happiness is a myth. There is no space that is external to you, only the space in which you occupy now, so you need to find that joy and happiness in the now. If you feel stuck, it’s because you need to do the work.
Whenever something is stopping you…Do the damn work!
So, what is this ‘work’ that I speak of I hear you say…
Ah, the work. The beautiful, painful, twisted mess of light that is the work. It’s so simple it’s almost painful to address its simplicity. It’s also so damn hard that so many people try to avoid it so much that it has almost manifested itself as some demonic darkness that resides inside us that we are too afraid to confront.
I’m going to let you in on a secret. A few of them actually…the first one is, the ‘work’ is as complicated as shining a light on it.
That’s it. How easy or difficult that is, is up to you. But it really is that simple. Shine a light on it. Nothing that has a light shone on it can remain in shadow. Light it up. Look at it. And you do that by simply realising and acknowledging its existence within you. That’s it! Light shone! Shadows illuminated. Work done.
Believe it or not it really is that simple.
The next secret I’m going to share with you is the bit that makes it a little more complicated and a little more scary and is wholly and completely the reason that people avoid ‘the work’.
You have to sit with it.
Once you have shone your beautiful light on it, on the thing that is holding you back, blocking your path, making you feel ugh, making you hesitate, making you angry, sad, bitter, jealous, all the things…once it is lit up and you are aware of it, you have to sit with it.
This is the painful bit. It’s not fun to sit with these things and it takes us so far away from our precious comfort zone that its scary and the reality is that we fear we wont ever be able to go back. We fear that the pain and discomfort will never leave us.
Let me make you this one important promise…You won’t be able to go back. You’ll move onto somewhere better. The pain and discomfort will no longer be pain and discomfort, they will evaporate into acceptance of what is, and acknowledgement of what was.
Somethings that exist within our shadow simply disappear once we shine a light on them, like they cannot exist once they have been seen. This can be the case for the stories we tell ourselves about lack or worth. Once we see them as stories, they cease to be the truths that our ego uses to keep us contained.
Sometimes the things we shine a light on cannot cease to exist, they are a deeply ingrained piece of our journey and something we must learn to accept about ourselves and move forward with. This can be the case for personality traits we don’t like about ourselves, our so called flaws, but once we have shone that light we can make the choice to have love for those parts of us too, we can choose to forgive ourselves for these traits, we can see our humanness and put less pressure on ourselves to be someone else’s idea of ‘good enough’.
You are not here to sit within the comfort zone. You are here to experience the vast rainbow of emotions and complexities that is the human experience, and you are here to learn from those emotions and complexities, you are here to shine a light on yourself so that you can shine a light for others. Don’t fear the discomfort, don’t fear the shadow, don’t fear the work. Fear the comfort zone, fear the fact that nothing changes if nothing changes, fear the inability to move beyond the blocks, walls, and small spaces you have been creating to keep yourself hidden.
My beautiful friend, your beautiful soul needs illuminating, you need illuminating, so please…do the work.
Photo by mohammed alherz on Unsplash
On two separate occasions yesterday, I had conversations with people in which I said, “The Universe is just making space for you.”
Both of the ladies I was speaking with were discussing scenarios whereby things seemed to be falling away from them, and they both found the whole thing quite uncomfortable. One of them has recently finished an OU Degree and worked full time while achieving it, only to find now that she has all the time in the world and no idea what to do with it, and the other has come through lock down as a self-employed businesswoman with now fewer and fewer clients and a longing to do something different. They each spoke of the discomfort, they spoke of the unknown, they both recognised the fear that was rising up was resistance to the space that was being created, and they both knew full and well that each of them had been through some huge life changing shifts that meant going backwards was no longer an option.
The Universe is making space for them to grow, to change, to step up to the next challenge. You cannot expand into space that is already full, you have to clear the path, you have to create space. The process of letting go is an uncomfortable one though, no matter how much we believe we are ready for the transition. Our comfort zone is exactly that, comfortable. We know what we know and we like what we know, our humanness tries to cling onto what it knows, what is comfortable, because the unknown might not be safe. We try as human beings to push ourselves into growth and forward momentum, but because we fear releasing what needs to be left behind, we try to do it all. We try to expand while keeping small, we try to reach while holding back, we try to call in the new while being committed to the past.
If you don’t make space for that growth and momentum, you better believe the Universe is going to make the space for you, and that will often mean the discomfort of being forced to let things go.
This morning I noticed a funny thing, I noticed that I had lost a few followers on Instagram. It’s not something that I would normally notice, but because when I checked the other day I had 777, I noticed this morning when I had 774. I twitched a little at the possibility of what that meant. I had posted a reel the night before and although it wasn’t anything controversial could that have been what made people unfollow me? It takes some doing to actually go through the process of ‘unfollowing’ a person, rather than just scrolling on by, I must have really offended some people somehow…My little inner narrative had already started and the twitch became a knot in my stomach.
Then I remembered what I had said to my friends…The Universe is just making space.
Hold up, Emma…what if….what if these people just weren’t your people, and the Universe is making space for your actual people? Now, I know it’s not as though I have a maximum limit on followers of course, but do I really want 7000 followers of only 7 of them are my people?
Taking a deep breath and feeling into what it means to have that space created for you, to have things leave, fall away, be let go of, to be unfollowed…I noticed fear rising up. Fear that I wasn’t good enough. Fear that I wasn’t ready. Fear that I wasn’t liked by everybody. Fear that someone thinks badly of me.
My little girl is actually the voice inside that creates this particular fear. I’ve been getting to know her quite well recently and we’ve been working on making her feel safe and enough; so I spoke with her, held her, reminded her of a few important facts…
I am good enough. I am ready. Not everybody needs to like me. And what other people think of me is none of my business.
Moving forward means letting things go. Expanding means creating space for that expansion. Momentum needs a clear path. Never hold onto what’s holding you back. Never cling to that which wants to leave. Never worry about the whys that are external to you; only concern yourself and lean into the whys that are internal to you; Why is this space being created for me? What am I being asked to expand into?
Then go on and expand into it.